Jackie and Brett

Friday, May 20, 2016.   Don’t get me wrong, it was a phenomenal day.  Really phenomenal.   So many good things happened today that I truly can’t remember everything.  And even in moments of frustration — and there were most definitely a few — the good moments of today undoubtedly outweighed the bad.

Getting a few extra hours of sleep this morning.  Shaving my face for the first time in 4 weeks.  A return trip to the mall for the second time in the same week, this time with Jen in tow (ensuring that I don’t need to go back and return anything).  Never knew you could have that much fun in a mall.  Visiting with friends at the house.  Responding to more texts and emails from old friends and colleagues who continue to offer support (I love every single email, text and conversation).  Driving around town and having lunch with Nicole (she just makes me happy).  Enjoying treats and food dropped off by friends from town.  Running into people on the street and engaging in meaningful conversation (not the typical bs).  Responding to sporadic emails but slowly letting myself fall out of the loop.  Walking around the neighborhood with Jen.  Finally figuring out (via Shai) how to download pictures from my phone to this page (obviously game changing).  Getting some time at the end of the day with each of the kids.  Ordering the MLB Network at Paul’s insistence and still caring that it cost me $199 because I am a cheap (but not really caring about the cost and watching at least 6 different games throughout the night).  Letting Ryan stay up late to watch the Indians vs. Red Sox.  Hanging out with Jen and her best friend Steph all night (who come to think of it is one of my best friends too).  Getting a special delivery from Todd of my most favorite meal in the world — Del Frisco’s.  And enjoying every single bite.  Cue picture #1….

IMG_0325 3

The frustrating moments were frustrating……shortness of breath following a routine walk in the neighborhood; needing to sit down on the couch in the basement rather than play basketball with Ryan because I was sweaty and lightheaded after over doing it; realizing that my face, after shaving for the first time, is swollen because of the medication; continuing to feel the need to organize and clean incessantly (I even did the dishes tonight and organized the refrigerator without Jen having to ask for the first time in the 14 years (but I still haven’t set up the AT&T booster and Jen is actually starting to get pissed!)); chasing a Syracuse basketball down the street after it fell out of Jen’s car (which I was trying to clean), only to have the ball get stuck under a car nearly 100 yards away and needing a neighbor to help wedge it out with a bat after 20 minutes of unsuccessful recovery attempts and poor strategy and tactics; knowing my stomach would ache after eating Del Frisco’s but eating it anyway.

The day on balance, however, was phenomenal.  It wasn’t even a close call.  In fact, most of these frustrating moments were just that:  moments in time that were gone just as quickly as they arrived.

But I have been sad most of the day.  You see Jen and I were supposed to go to Jacksonville this morning for my cousin Jackie’s wedding.  She is marrying Brett and he is complete A+.  The weekend is going to be amazing.  And my entire family is going to be together celebrating at an open bar.  As much as everyone jokes that my Uncle Mike is going to save money at the bar by not having me there, there is no place I would rather be tonight than Jacksonville, Florida celebrating Jackie and Brett with Jen, my parents, brother, sister-in-law, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends.  So many relatives that are truly important and a constant in my life at all times.  Not being there hurts badly.  I hate to miss anything let alone something this important.  And while I know we are going to celebrate with Jackie and Brett and all of my cousins in NY next month, we are going to look at pictures of this weekend and remember not being there.  It breaks my heart (and Jen’s) not to be able to share in the real celebration.

We will of course be there in spirit and thinking of you guys throughout the weekend.  I even poured a sip of MaCallan 12 tonight for the special occasion and have raised my glass as I type with one hand.  I need a visual of you guys, so cue picture #2…..


Jackie and Brett — my glass is raised and I wanted to tell you both to enjoy every second of this weekend.  It is going to be over in an instant.  The good news is you have the rest of your lives ahead of you, and every day brings a new challenge and experience that you will get to share together (all of the sudden I have a free license to say all this sappy stuff!).  Jackie, you rock and look amazing.  Brett — welcome to the family.  Both you and Jackie are fortunate and lucky to have found each other.  Brett, you are also fortunate to be inheriting (and I think you know this) a huge extended family that is nothing short of amazing.  We welcome you with open arms and look forward to everything ahead (including spending more time together in Scarsdale and NYC).  Jen and I will be celebrating with you guys remotely all weekend long.  Who knows, we may even put on our best wedding gear tomorrow (cue picture #3 — and by the way, how gorgeous is my wife!)…..


Uncle Mike and Aunt Sue — huge congrats.  We love you guys and think the world of both of you.  And believe it or not, I still remember some moments from your wedding (I was 5 and Drew was sick in the hotel).  Everybody (except for Jeff) has less hair, but all you guys still rock those ridiculous mustaches!

Looking forward to speaking to everyone tomorrow.



8 thoughts on “Jackie and Brett”

  1. You look exactly like Ryan in those pictures. I guess you don’t need me to teach you to upload the pics today. Guess we’ll just have to find another way to spend that hour. Love you my mainest man.


  2. Hi Josh, thanks for reminding me of a very special time…..Michael and Sue’s wedding. It was a magical night watching two special people commit their lives for ever after and sharing that with your wonderful family. But you…I remember those curls and big smile and how proud you were in the role of ring bearer. You really did sparkle as a kid and still sparkle today (sans the curls). I know it breaks your heart not to be with your mom, dad, brother and all your extended family this weekend, but we know they hold you close to their hearts….and you are truly with them.

    On another note, you are amazing taking the time and energy, posting to your blog, sharing with all of us, who would like to be with you, your journey. Who would have thought the little boy I knew since the day he was born would have such an impact on my life today. Your words touch me on so many levels….I cry, I laugh, I reflect and I am inspired…..you are a true warrior Josh Sussberg!!


    1. What a great note Cindi, I can’t thank you enough. While part of me feels more exposed than I have ever been in my life, if I can’t express how I feel right now to my friends and family then I don’t think I ever will be able to. And that just does not seem to be a way to live a meaningful life. And as much as it hurts to be in NY as everyone parties together in Jacksonville, you are right that our family is holding us close and we feel their love thousands of miles away.


  3. Nothing better than a night with the two of you, Del Friscos (I really picked a good night to show up!), wine and real conversations about everything and nothing (with a monkey and 2 eeyore stuffed animals in my lap). Best. Love you and that beautiful wife of yours so much!


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