Saturday, May 21, 2016.  When you are distracted, your mind drifts and you cannot concentrate or focus on anything in particular.  It is almost as if your mind is playing tricks on you.

This morning I was focused on one thing and one thing only; making sure I was at Edgewood school with Ryan Sussberg at 8:30 am so I could be in his little league team picture.  This caused me to rush out of both bed (I finally fell asleep around 530 am) and the house, all after taking a fast shower and not having time to completely dry off or otherwise finish what has become my standard shower routine.  Notwithstanding how much I rushed for the first time I could remember, the entire team was waiting — because we were late — and even Ryan noticed that it was well past 830 when we finally pulled in. But we got the picture taken.  And that was all that mattered.

[It’s funny how different life is in less than 30 days.  On Sunday April 24th, on my way to the Scarsdale medical center to get checked out yet again, I was on the cell (in the car on the way to the doctor) dialing around to various people on various deals just to make sure things were moving in the right direction.  Today, I was picking out a new pair of sweat pants  and doing everything in my power to get to team pictures on time.]  

As for the real baseball games today, Ryan played at 9 am and Jake played at 1 pm.  It kills me not to be coaching and really helping out, but I am easily distracted and have trouble staying for the duration of the game.  In fact, I left both games early.  As a result, I missed Ryan’s “second grand slam” and Jake’s legit triple.  It pisses me off that I left early.

But this afternoon I got distracted and frankly freaked out at the same time.  Like Ryan, Jake Sussberg had team pictures today and I was determined to be there.  At 310 pm, I grabbed Jake and my brother-in-law Justin, jumped in my car and we headed back to Edgewood school for one more picture.  Towards the end of Heathcote Road, I either wasn’t paying attention or lost control of my car for no reason, and drove directly into the curb.  I destroyed the rims and need new tires on the passenger side.  And even worse, I was scared, couldn’t figure out why I got distracted, and starting swearing in front of Jake.  What the hell is wrong with me?

Bottom line: I am worried about driving tomorrow.  I could use a good distraction right about now, but all I am thinking about is that I can’t satiate my hunger because of the steroids, I know what highlight they are going to show on SportsCenter before they actually show it, I am getting a “moon face” from the medication, and I’m 24 hours away from more chemo.  And the only song that keeps coming on in my head is the 1991 classic by the Geto Boys, “My Mind Playing Tricks on Me.”

Nonetheless, there is always a silver lining.  The rims and the tires, they will get fixed.  Jackie and Brett got married tonight and it looks like everyone had a complete blast.  I had my family over all afternoon (which is always awesome) and I can’t wait to hang out with everyone at the Shore next weekend. I walked 4 miles with Lenny, and was not nearly as short of breath as I was yesterday.  Corresponded with old friends (who it was incredible to hear from). Had some close friends over for a drink who always make me feel at peace.  I watched the Cavs with Jake and Ryan.


And finally, I got to introduce one of my closet friends and roommates from college to each of my kids.  Welcome back Stu (bottom left) — can’t believe we let all these years go by.  Let’s not do that again.





2 thoughts on “Distracted”

  1. Wow two grand slams and a triple! Hanging out with old friends and walking four miles! What an amazing day. Great picture of you in the middle and friends. Great sage who didn’t get to play as much college football as he wanted once told me something. “Sometimes your the star/ center of your universe and sometimes it’s your time to contribute to the team. This is my time to be a great teammate and to help the team win.” Personally I was proud of his realization but a little sad. Then he advised ” I will have my time again and I will shine brighter than ever and I will appreciate the journey because of my new experiences and appreciate my new understanding of life’s ups and downs?” Was never more proud that day. Personally believe that you never truly self actualize without going through personal trauma. Love reading your blog and experiences and reflections. Know you will triumph and emerge better than ever although maybe as Buddhist Jewish lawyer sports agent for your sons!
    Best personal regards, Jon


    1. So well said! And the Buddhist Jewish lawyer sports agent has a very interesting ring. I frankly will take just being a dad on the sideline as I don’t think I have had this much fun watching the kids play sports in a long time….

      Truth be told, there were no grand slams. First grade baseball has no outs, no walks and no strikeouts. And since Ryan Sussberg was the last one up each inning, the last batter runs it out all the way around the bases. But he knows his baseball, and since the bases were juiced and he made it all the way home, that my friend is a grand salami!

      It is all about appreciating the journey and the ups and downs. I am understanding now more than ever. I actually think I understand it even better every day. Thanks for passing it along because it certainly hit home.

      Looking forward to another Sunday dinner or maybe even Christmas with all of our families.


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